Sirius's Midget Adventure
by From the Silent Planet
Summary: Honey, you shrunk the Sirius. Sirius was being a pest, Lily was in a bad mood, and James is still laughing at the result. No slash, more to come, please R
1. The No Good Rotten Awful Day

Disclaimer--- I don't own, you don't sue.  
  
Chapter 1---- No Good Rotten Awful Day  
  
Reflecting back on the day's events, Sirius came to one major conclusion. He should have known better. He hadn't thought that when he had turned Professor McGonagall's hair green, which it was permanently stuck at for two months. Nor when he had 'borrowed' James's broom and ended up returning a pile of twigs. Nor when he had ruined Remus's homework. Nor when he had blamed Peter for the aforementioned 'hair incident', and Peter had spent the months till it could be fixed scrubbing floors with a toothbrush. But today, today he should have known better.  
  
flashback—  
  
Lily Evans was having a bad day. No, she was a having a 'no good rotten awful day', so to speak. She was busy attempting to complete her Transfiguration's homework while being surrounded and swarmed by her dorm mates, all of whom were insisting that she was 'in denial' and that if she was just talk about it she would feel better. Well Lily didn't want to talk about it. She pulled her homework closer, and tried to concentrate on it instead of what had happened today.  
  
She had woken up perfectly happy, ready for Charms and a pretty day outside with her friends. Then he had come out with the most dreadful words—"Lily, we have to talk". Her day could be traced to have rapidly fallen downhill from there. Evidently, Fabian thought that they had 'drifted apart' and that they should 'just try and be friends'. Lily figured that it had something to do with the cute Ravenclaw blonde who'd been smiling at him for the past few weeks.  
  
Of course, despite being totally crushed she'd been planning on making the best of the day and was nearly to lunch before he found her. Sometimes she hated the way news traveled around Hogwarts. The moment he had heard that she 'wasn't seeing anyone', he had waltzed right over and had actually decided to inform her that she would do for a date this next Hogsmede weekend, and to meet him by the gate on Saturday morning.  
  
At least she now had something grimly pleasing to think about, and that was that Potter would have that black eye for a few days still, since Madame Pomfrey had decided that letting it heal the muggle way would teach him to stay out of the scrapes he always seemed to be getting himself and his gang into.  
  
The said gang, minus one Remus, who was still in the library, was currently lounging in front of the fire. Peter and James were playing chess, and Sirius was fidgeting around, bored, as he said, 'nearly to the point of studying'.  
  
Then he zoomed in on a potential target, and after a moment's deliberation (which upon reflection probably could have been a bit longer) he decided to go for it. Walking up to a table full of chatting girls, he singled out his prey. "Oooohh Lily! I heard what happened today!" he said, in the most annoying of singsong voices. He continued. "Fabian finally get tired of you? I guess you'll have to go out with Snivellus now." (insert a howling scream of NNOOOO!!!!!!! originating somewhere from the general direction of James)  
  
"Or, maybe, you'll get really lucky, and the Wicked Witch of the West will finally find a toad to kiss that'll keep her company!" He finished triumphantly.  
  
His triumph was short-lived.  
  
Now, normally such insults from him didn't faze her terribly. Usually telling him off and yelling a bit calmed her down. But today her limit had been reached. Snarling, she reached over for her wand and slowly stood up.  
  
Sirius had never seen anyone that short look that intimidating. Eyes blazing, she whispered a jinx that everyone in the room managed to hear. It took Sirius a minute to realize something. That he was still alive. It took him a little longer to realize something else, and then the silence in the room was broken. Some were laughing, and those younger students that hadn't known the jinx were having its effects elaborated on by older students.  
  
James and Peter, who had been among those rolling on the floor in laughter, took a look at Lily's face, which seemed to be seeking out anyone associated with her last victim, and high-tailed it up to their dorm room, taking Sirius with them.  
  
When Remus returned from the library, arms full of books, he had stopped for a moment a stared after opening the door. Standing on the floor was Sirius Black, but he was all of about 12 inches tall.  
  
--End flashback 


	2. I WANNA BE A REAL BOY!

Disclaimer--- I am just a poor girl with a dream. Who knows? Maybe one day someone will write fan fics for something I've written! In the meantime, I own only one pet bird named Tweety (original huh? *eyes roll from my readers*) and a driver's permit. Later ya'll!  
  
Chapter 2 ----- I Wanna Be a Real Boy!!!!  
  
"...and WHAT am I going to doooo??" Sirius wined miserably.  
  
James had helped him onto the dresser in their common room, and now Remus and James were gathered around, staring and trying to think. Remus had managed to find the jinx that Lily had used, and had found out that "Facereparvum"* despite the obvious shrinking effect, also lasted for a rough period of six to eight weeks.  
  
Needless to say, Sirius was not overjoyed. The closest thing to a bright point he could find in his situation was that the school year was letting up in two days, and also that in his current situation he had a very good excuse to spend the summer at James'.  
  
At that moment, Professor McGonagall walked in with Peter, who had been sent to retrieve her while trying to look "as inconspicuous as possible" since Sirius didn't want to give Lily any more satisfaction in his situation than she already had.  
  
She started for a moment, then quickly left the room and moved down the stairway landing a bit, but not far enough to where they couldn't hear the howling laughter. It stopped after a moment, and the Professor reappeared, straightening her hat and ignoring the scowls that came from Sirius' direction.  
  
"Well, Mr. Black, you certainly do seem to have once again managed to get yourself into a very interesting situation" she scolded. "It is fortunate for you that classes are nearing an end."  
  
"What am I gonna do?"  
  
"We are going to shrink the rest of your wardrobe, and you are going to make the best of the summer. Perhaps this will teach you something about over using your mouth."  
  
"Hey, wait!" All heads turned back to Sirius. "Doesn't Evans get any sort of punishment for this?"  
  
"Well," she paused. "Perhaps if it was not so close to the end of the year there would be. However, seeing how it was you who instigated it, I think that a word on controlling her temper will suffice."  
  
She offered him a biscuit, which was bigger than his head, and he turned it down scowling angrily. She shrugged and left the room.  
  
Sirius threw himself down on to the dresser top and began to howl.  
  
"I DON'T WANNA BE A MIDGIT!!" He sobbed. "I WANNA BE A REAL BOY!" he kicked angrily (in true fan-fiction Sirius fashion) and rolled over. "I'm not even going to bother saying that you are still a 'real boy'..." Remus stated.  
  
"If a bit of a short one." James finished.  
  
Peter sighed and looked around "Someone get me out of this mad house now please." he muttered.  
  
"Where am I gonna sleep?" Sirius asked.  
  
"I've got an old shoe box you can use, we can stuff a pillow case or something in there." James replied. "It's probably better than the house elves thinking your bed is empty and you ending up getting very wet."  
  
Sirius muttered something that sounded offensive and sighed.  
  
"Hey, it's not all that bad! I mean, at least you don't have to go back to Grimmauld Place this summer!" James tried.  
  
"Yeah, McGonagall said she'd write them and explain." Peter said.  
  
"Like they'll really care." Sirius looked vaguely unhappy for a moment.  
  
"Let's go to bed." Remus said firmly to the room. "Goodnight all."  
  
"Yeah, yeah" Sirius said. "Can someone help me out, and get that box thing?"  
  
*This is Latin for 'to make small'. It's not very good but I never claimed to be a pro.  
  
I do not mean to offend any 12 inches tall fan fiction authors out there! Please don't be upset! ; P  
  
More soon! Sirius' is headed to James' house (actually, a manor, but more on that later. More Remus too! He'll be more interesting later. He was really dry here, I'm sorry! 


	3. Twisted Hags and Scowling Faces

Disclaimer--- Once upon a time there lived a girl. And she owned nothing, and she claimed to own nothing. And she lived long and wasn't sued once. This would be me. I own not a smidgen of this, except for the plot and a few of my original ideas. Please Review! It would make me sooo happy if ya'll would!  
  
Another sort-of in between chapter. Sorry.  
  
This is another note I think is important enough for the top of the page. I have recently been made aware that Rowling never once called MWP&P The Marauders. The only Marauder reference as far as I know is the map. Unfortunately writing out the four names is far too much a headache, so I'll be jumping on the bandwagon once or twice and calling them Marauders as a group. After all, they are so exclusive (it seems) that they should have a name, and I don't see Sirius going for a name like "The Porcupines" ;-P. I'm sorry that was so long, back to the story folks!  
  
Chapter 3  
  
The Marauders entered the Great Hall the next morning, and immediately the murmuring and pointing began. The boys had had some trouble deciding how Sirius was going to get around, and finally had settled for putting Sirius in the outer pocket of James' robe till they could figure something better out. He was now peering out with some embarrassment. He had been attempting to convince McGonagall, (whom he now referred to as 'the evil, incompetent Transfiguration hag') that he should be allowed to eat meals in his dorm room, but she would hear nothing of it.  
  
*Evil, twisted hag....* he thought, as his friends chose a spot at the table and sat down.  
  
Up in the clouds (at least from Sirius' point of view) at the staff table, Dumbledore leaned over to McGonagall and seemed, to Sirius, to be amusedly congratulating her. Indeed, when he looked up he seemed to have an extra twinkle in his eye.  
  
Sirius' frown deepened, as he struggled out of James' pocket and fell into a graceless heap on the table, inches from the platter of eggs.  
  
James looked down, and then asked Sirius what he wanted to eat. Sirius scowled in return, and James just gave him a tea saucer with a small amount of toast and eggs, which made Sirius scowl even more as he sat down on the edge of the plate. A teacup he would have been knee-high in was filled with pumpkin juice and a coffee stirrer/straw. Sirius scowled some more.  
  
"Hey, at least we've only got four more meals now." Remus tried, and then sighed, as Sirius scowled. Remus finished quickly, then glanced around, spotted his Ravenclaw girlfriend Ella*, and raced off to join her table.  
  
Sirius scowled, then glared up at James. "Can we leave already?" He wined.  
  
James complied, and they walked off. The next day and a half passed very slowly to Sirius, and he actually found himself looking forward to leaving where he didn't have to worry about what his friends, and in particularly girls, thought. James packed up both his and Sirius' trunks.  
  
They boarded the Hogwart's Express, and it took off. Sirius was finally starting to relax as James and Peter planned on changing the color of Snivellus' robes, and maybe adding a few slogans.  
  
'Pranking is good for the soul' Sirius thought.  
  
Finally, several hours and a shouting at for James by Evans, the Hogwart's Express reached Platform 9 and ¾, and Sirius looked forward gloomily to the next two months.  
  
*She shouldn't be in this story at all again. Maybe in a future one though, I'd like to get the chance to develop her as a character. I thought, despite the probability factor, that Remus needed a girlfriend. I DO NOT see him as some sort of 'babe-magnet', but I think he deserves someone.  
  
Btw, I'm sorry recent chapters have been rather short. I'm still in the 'stage setting' sort of mode. It should get better.  
  
Ok, also, Sirius' voice is fainter to his friends because of his size, but they can still hear him. 


	4. Everything is Out To Get Me!

I am despairing. If you read this please review. Even if you just say 'I read it'. I don't know if anyone's reading this, and it is making me sad.  
  
Ok, if this chapter goes how I plan it should be super-long (in comparison with the last few). There will probably be quite a few notes I make throughout since I've got a lot to explain in this chapter.  
  
Disclaimer--- Enter Stranger If You'd Like, But Remember That I Only Write! I Do Not Own A Single Mite, That Is J. K. Rowlings By Copyright!  
  
All right, that was weird. I've also realized I am very short in physical description of characters, but I refuse to overload the stories with them, though I'll try to add some here and there.  
  
Mr. Potter leaned against the wall of the Platform, while waiting for his son and his friends to exit the train. Ever since he had received that letter from Albus he had decided that it would be better to pick the children up himself rather than send anyone.  
  
And there they were, finally. Lily was still scolding James, and Remus was following them. James smiled when he saw him, and was about to take off running when he seemed to check himself and walked over.  
  
"Hey Dad!" he said, beaming. He wondered at his son's odd behavior for a moment, till he heard a small sigh, and looked down to see a very undersized Sirius sticking out a James' pocket and looking vaguely motion sick.  
  
Mr. Potter tried to control the swelling laughter that was threatening to over take him, and ushered the children out of the train station and to his car.  
  
He then looked around at them all, taking in how much they had grown.  
  
James hadn't changed much since that Christmas, except he'd grown a bit more, same mop of hair so characteristic of his family.  
  
Lily looked about the same as ever, the curls in her red hair starting to straighten out, beautiful, though she wouldn't admit it herself. She had been a ward in his home since her muggle parents had been killed when she was nine*. Her elder sister attended a boarding school, and would not be coming home for a while this summer as she was visiting a Muggle friend's house. She sat down in the front seat next to him, eager to be away from the 'immature prats, except you, Remus'.  
  
He searched again to find Sirius, who was struggling up onto an armrest. Sirius hadn't changed at all that he could see, with the exception of Lily's jinx.  
  
He almost laughed again, and then glancing back at his son, who was still wrestling with trunks and brooms, and leaned over to Lily.  
  
"Do I even wish to know what trouble he got himself into on the train?" He asked, smiling at her, he had always considered her to be nearly as close as a daughter would be, if he had had one.  
  
She gave a long-suffering sigh, and replied. "Oh, he was just charming the robes of a Slytherin student to glow pink and flash in gold 'I AM A UGLY GREASY GIT' across the front." She sighed again, and then stared out the window.  
  
He chuckled, and shook his head, glancing back at his son in the mirror.  
  
"We'll be at Domleoanim* Manor in a while kids." He said.  
  
"Are you dropping me off first, sir?" asked Remus. He lived in a small village not but a mile from the Manor, and had spent his childhood roaming the surrounding hills and land, when old Mr. Potter and James' uncle lived there*. He had met James when they had been quite young, though they hadn't been really good friends till they had entered Hogwarts.  
  
"Actually your family is coming to dinner as well, so we are just going straight home." Mr. Potter said, and smiled back.  
  
Sirius had been scowling unhappily through all of the preceding conversations. He was seated precariously on the armrest of a chair, holding on for dear life as the air conditioning blasted on him, and praying that someone would notice, though he was too prideful to ask himself. Finally someone did, though Sirius unhappily noted that his black hair, which prior to the car had been stubbornly and immaculately washed and combed, etc. as always was now standing on end in every direction.  
  
Someone was out to destroy him before he turned sixteen. Sirius just knew it. He suddenly felt that everyone in the world was out to get him. Heck, even the car had tried to do him in! This deepened Sirius' scowl.  
  
"Where am I going to sleep?" He asked, interrupting everyone else. "I refuse to sleep in a box for the next two months."  
  
"Actually, I have thought about that, though we'll have to convince little Marie that you wont do any harm...." He trailed off, and then looked at the window.  
  
"Oh, here we are." He said.  
  
Down the road, which was slowly turning into a dirt one, for it was a rarity that Muggle anything came down this way, was a tower appearing through and soaring over the trees. Off to the right lay a small sleepy looking village that surely could not have changed much for centuries. The rest of the manor, besides the tower, was appearing now.  
  
A great rambling place, filled with corridors that seemed to have gone untouched for years, and locked doors no one could recall how to get into, and legends of the Potters of years gone by who had mad their home here. The tower was some 12 stories tall, which in itself was very unusual, though it did have an unmatched view of the English countryside on the top. There were gardens surrounding the Manor, with statues and doors to other gardens hidden all throughout.  
  
It brightened Sirius up quite a bit, to be returning to a place that felt so much like home, though he had only been here once for a few days. Also, the thought of the adventures that might be found here helped, he hated nothing more than a dull summer.  
  
Well, he did hate being shrunk down to less than a foot more, and immediately resolved to completely ignore Evans for the rest of the summer.  
  
They passed through the large iron gate, and then drove up to the huge doors and climbed out of the car. Before Mr. Potter could even reach for the key, the butler answered the door and they were escorted in.  
  
Walter Swift, preferring in his strange sense of humor to be called simply 'Walter' by all the children but 'Sir Swift' by any adults, was not an ordinary butler by any account. He was a ghost, and had come to live in this house in 1611, and had never seen a reason to leave since. As he said, he had 'guarded the door of the house of the lion since they're great, great, great great, great, grandparents had not even existed, and he had no intention of leaving the post that he had promised Randolph Potter, his first master, that he would keep'. So he stayed.  
  
He answered the door with his customary 'Enter', and stepped back as the door finished opening of its own accord, casting a blue glow in the shadows of the to the side of the great door. A great hall of wood and stone stretched into view, lined with doors and stairways leading up into the next floor.  
  
As the children entered, he smiled slightly, and they all beamed back at him, even Sirius scowled slightly less, Walter loved and had always taken care of the children in the house, no matter whether they were the children of servants or wizarding village children or what. Lily was a favorite of his, since she had come to the house so scared and lonely years ago.  
  
"Would Miss Evans like an escort to her room now?" He asked. She nodded, and they took a stairway headed to the sixth floor in the tower.  
  
They heard someone give a small shout, and Remus' sister Isabella came running out of an adjoining room, long white dress and brown hair flying, and immediately threw her arms around her brother. They both laughed and she looked him up and down, seeing how much her brother had grown.  
  
She was born a squib, but had never allowed it to let her down, and since the village had no secondary school (they were all wizards and were sent to Hogwarts) Mrs. Potter, James' mother, had offered to take her in and teach her regular schooling and as much about wizarding as was possible, so that she could live in either world. Though it had never been requested of her, when she was sixteen she offered to help with the housecleaning and such, since the Potters had never kept house elves, and earned a steady wage from it since. She had been working here since Remus had been very small, and was happy where she was. She was marrying a stable hand next July, and had no intention of leaving her home and her second family.  
  
Sirius looked grumpily around now, and then grabbed hold of the strap on the trunk as James lifted it. Remus grabbed Sirius' trunk and followed, after placing his own in a closet near the door. Isabella ran off to wait for their parents to arrive. They began to slowly climb the steps toward James' room on the eighth floor, on the left side of the tower.  
  
"Be back down for dinner at eight boys!" Mr. Potter called after them. "Sirius, I'll show you where you are probably going to be sleeping later."  
  
They trooped up the stairs, and when the two trunk-bearing boys finally reached James' room, they dumped the trunks on the floor (after taking Sirius off James'). James threw himself down panting onto his oversized canopied bed, and Remus plunked down in a chair.  
  
Sirius stared rather modestly at both of them, finally seeing a good side to being so small. Eventually he began to grow bored.  
  
"When do you all think we'll get our OWL results in?" He asked.  
  
Remus looked rather upset. "I hope we get them in soon." He said. "I'm still rather worried about my Charms test..." He trailed off.  
  
"Really." Sirius said, in his teasing voice. "I'd have figured that you'd be more worried about Potions..."  
  
James glared at him. Remus sighed. "Oh, I already know I failed that one."  
  
Sirius sighed. Remus really wasn't that much fun to tease. He stretched out slightly and rumpled his hair.  
  
And then he suddenly let out a shout and threw himself behind the mirror. The Potter's cat, Ignoramus, (named so by a very irate Mr. Potter, but mostly referred to as Ignor, or 'that dumb cat'), had spotted him, and had decided he might be fun to play with. James lunged for him, and pulled him off the dresser where Sirius was, and wrestled him out of the door.  
  
Sirius scowled. He'd have to fix his hair. Again. He wasn't looking forward to the rest of this summer, not in the least.  
  
*Stories all to be told, later. Not in this story. I'm already going off the plot I intended to stay on. James' uncle and the rest of his family are in vacationing in Italy over the summer, except for the youngest of James' cousins. She is about six years old, an will come into the story later.  
  
"Domleoanim" means roughly 'House of the Lion's Spirit'. If you hate it, tell me. Yes, I do know some Latin, but I was trying to make it sound like the name of a Manor, so I squished it together as best I could. If you have another suggestion, tell me, I'd love to hear it.  
  
Also, it's NOT that I don't WANT to write Peter. It's just that I've already got more characters than I know what to do with. I'm going to try to add him in later, but I won't do it if it is at the expense of cutting down on Remus' time. Sorry, I just think Remus is more of a challenge to write, besides, I just like him a lot better.  
  
Next up, dinner and Sirius finds out where he'll be sleeping. It's just his size!  
  
Reviews:  
  
Sarah aka Hobbit in Guard: Oh thank you, thank you, thank you! You have the honor of being my very first reviewer! I'm so happy you liked it. I also like your suggestion, and will probably be using it since I ran out of ideas myself. 


	5. A Mortal Enemy

Disclaimer: Hey all. I own not. You sue not. We all live long and prosper. Yeah.  
  
Thanks to those who read, and also to those who review! Would you believe, this is probably the first thing that I have ever written for the fun of it. The only things I've done before have been essays for school!  
  
Is anyone out there? I am so very lonely here. Please Review! Even if you just put 'read it'. Thanks.  
  
They were soon called down to dinner, to a small family dining room off the kitchens. Sirius found himself sitting on a miniature chair next to a little table of similar size, both of which had been placed on the regular table. He glared around, preferring to suffer than to be taken pity on.  
  
Remus immediately ran to greet his parents, and sat down in between them and his sister. Remus and Isabella began talking at the same time, effectively drowning out what the other was saying.  
  
Sirius sighed. He couldn't see how the older Lupins could stand to be in a house with the two of them, nor how they had managed to have such talkative children, being so quiet themselves. Remus was normally quiet, but he never talked more than when he was with his family.  
  
Sirius looked around, trying to find someone else to listen to while everyone was waiting for his or her food.  
  
"So how is the Ministry going?" Mr. Lupin asked. Mr. Potter immediately set off on a passionate diatribe on incompetent officials and over blown egos.  
  
Sirius stared at him grumpily, not taking in a detail of what was said. If there was anything Sirius hated (and didn't understand) it was politics.  
  
"Ughhh...." Sirius moaned. He looked around again.  
  
James was staring at Lily. He was slowly starting to drool.  
  
"Should I get you a napkin?" Sirius snapped. "Or maybe we need to ask the cook to hurry with the food."  
  
James blinked. Then he went back to staring.  
  
Sirius hated his life.  
  
They ate, then, as Sirius put it "wasted hours of their lives, that will never be returned to them, in useless conversation."  
  
Finally they got up, after listening to two hours worth of Sirius' asking when they were going to be finished. He had eventually stooped to walking around on the table to the edges of people's plates, and making faces at them while they tried to eat their chicken. Lily had to be ripped away growling as she attempted to squash him with her dinner plate.  
  
He had made it to Mr. Potter's plate, after being disappointed at his staring not affecting James in the least, when Mr. Potter decided it was time for bed.  
  
Sirius cheered, glad to finally get off the table and was running and dodging goblets to get back to James when he stopped. Everyone had left the table, and a servant was clearing the dishes. Sirius poked a woman in the hand with a toothpick when she attempted to remove the tablecloth, and she backed away and ran back to the kitchen.  
  
The candles were dimming, and Sirius sat down in the middle of the empty table and drummed his fingers against it. He sighed, looked around for a clock, and then took a deep breath.  
  
"JAAAAMMES POTTTERR!!!!!!!! He shouted as loud as he could. He heard laughter and the Potter family came back in, having seen the Lupins off. James shook his head, as Sirius colored slightly with embarrassment. He ignored James offering to put him back in his pocket, and began to climb down an elaborately carved table leg, panting with effort as he reached the bottom, the Potters all watching him bemusedly. He glared again, and they walked, all be it slowly, out.  
  
"Now where am I suppose to sleep?" he asked Mr. Potter with a semblance of trying to be polite. Mr. Potter glanced down to calf level to see Sirius. "It's just up a few floors." He replied. They reached the stairway, where Sirius made it up two steps before accepting James' offer of help.  
  
"Oh, boys, it would probably be better if you two would wait in James' room for a moment."  
  
They walked down the hall a bit, and waited there, till they her a scream.  
  
"NOOOO!!!! NO, NO, No!" They heard. "He can't!!!" Someone sobbed. "He'll mess it up!"  
  
James gave a groan of recognition, as they heard someone stomping angrily down the hall. Walter came gliding in, his charge having 'left the building', so to speak, and lowered himself into a chair.  
  
"What's happening?" James whispered. Walter seemed to be carefully choosing his words and was about to reply when Mr. Potter interrupted him, calling for the boys.  
  
They entered a room Sirius had never been in before, and he looked around with interest.  
  
It was a high-ceilinged paneled room, but it was empty except for one thing.  
  
A four-story mansion, though miniature in size, was the center and over-powering feature of the room. It was a dollhouse, but it was like none that Sirius had ever heard of.  
  
Magical dollhouses are nothing like muggle ones, and this one was particularly beautiful. It stood nearly five feet tall, and was just like a real Victorian house with the exception of its size.  
  
Sirius opened the small door, and found himself in a real sitting room. He tried the furniture, and thought that it was as beautiful and well crafted as anything he'd seen before. He walked around, opening cupboards and closets. He found the library and stared open-mouthed at a book he pulled of the shelf. It was a real novel, leather bound. He looked at the title "The I-li-ad" he read out, and placed it carefully back on the shelf.  
  
Everything was perfectly his size, and he immediately resolved to stay small for the rest of his life.  
  
He ran back down the carpeted steps and exited out the door, face glowing slightly.  
  
"I take it that you like it." Mr. Potter said.  
  
Sirius nodded absently, just as the door to the room opened again. Mrs. Potter walked in, slim long fingers on the shoulders of a small little girl. The raven-hair child looked around for a moment, then spotted him on the floor, and gave a look that would have set Dumbledore shaking in his boots, at least from Sirius' point of view. He dashed over to James, and looked up. James bent down.  
  
"Who is that?" Sirius whispered, while trying to look unconcerned and casual.  
  
"Marie." James answered. "She's my cousin."  
  
"And, why does she want me dead?" asked Sirius.  
  
"Oh, it's not you. It's just that this is her dollhouse right now, and...well..." James trailed off.  
  
"Come on now, dear, say hello to James' friend now!" Mrs. Potter said, with a forced cheerfulness in her voice as she looked at the little girl.  
  
A scowl spread across Marie's face, in a manner that Sirius thought only he could accomplish, and she glared at him, as if wishing him into non- existence, or extreme pain.  
  
He gulped. How was it that the girls he met were all psycho?!? First his obsessive mother, then Lily, now this. He was smart, top of his class, in fact. Why couldn't he avoid characters like this?  
  
She just glared at him.  
  
"Um, hi!" Sirius said. "Um..." He gulped again. Mr. Potter gestured slightly, urging him to continue. "Um...this is a beautiful house! I swear I'll take care of it. I won't touch anything. *Said as he crossed his fingers behind his back.*  
  
"See!" Mrs. Potter said, a bright smile on her face. "He promised he'll take care of it. And he's just going to be sleeping here, you can still play during the day!"  
  
Marie's small face twisted angrily, and she stomped out. Sirius got the feeling he had just acquired a mortal enemy.  
  
"Well, I want you boys to get some sleep. Don't stay up all night." Mr. Potter said, and then left.  
  
James yawned. "I'm off the bed. 'Night." He said.  
  
Sirius stretched, then walked back to the door of his temporary home, and walked in. Little magic candles and lanterns had come on, and he wandered up different staircases, some carpeted, some stone, and eventually found the master bedroom.  
  
He had free run of a mansion, one that was the right size for him as well. Life was good again.  
  
Okay, just thought I'd clear it up. The adults in this story are just called 'Mr.' and 'Mrs.'. Why? Because Sirius doesn't know their first names, that's why. I know he's not stupid; he's just too lazy to really care, or even to notice that he doesn't know.  
  
Next chapter: You'll have to read to find out!  
  
Reviews:  
  
Sarah aka Hobbit in Guard: Thanks for reviewing again! I do love getting suggestions for stories, and who doesn't love a psycho pet every once in a while!  
  
*(): Thanks for reviewing!  
  
Dream and Write: Thanks so much for the compliments! I'll look into that! 


	6. The Night of the Beast

Disclaimer: Habeo non. I do not own. Please review! Also, this chapter is a bit different, but please stick with it! You'll see. ; )  
  
The clock had struck midnight. He slept peacefully now, but it was a peace that was doomed to disappear in a moment's time.  
  
His eyelid twitched, as he stirred in his dream world.  
  
A creak could be heard on the steps.  
  
Suddenly, his eyes flew open, and he glanced wildly around.  
  
The origin of the creaks seemed to move, seemed to be approaching the door to his room, coming closer, and closer...  
  
He drew in a sharp breath, as the scurrying noise, 'so similar to footsteps' he thought, continued on its journey of malice and evil toward the yet immobile door.  
  
His heart hammered a terrible tattoo against his chest, as he slowly pulled the warm covers closer to his face, as if they would help protect him.  
  
The door began to creak open. A dark shape that he didn't see entered the room.  
  
Suddenly, his reason took over, and he reached over to a table and turned on a lantern, which it seemed providence had happened to put at his reach.  
  
He looked out, knowing that he may face his doom, but he was resolved not to fall without a fight.  
  
His attacker, he thought, must be a foul thing of the greatest evil, when it attempted to flee from the light. He got a better look at it, but then cursed as the lamp burnt his hand, causing him to drop it, and his concentration on the predator was broken.  
  
Sirius had never been more embarrassed in, well, he hadn't ever admitted to embarrassment before in his life, but he still felt the greatest relief in the fact that no one was here to see him.  
  
It was a cockroach. A regular, black, ordinary, cockroach. The kind he had squished easily under his shoes, 'back in the day' when he had been tall. A melancholy spirit was taking over him as he reminisced, at least until he noticed something.  
  
The roach, the one that came halfway to his knee, was missing.  
  
He immediately looked around himself, and then looked straight down, as he had a strange feeling that something was near his leg.  
  
He'd found the roach. It was by his leg. No, wait, it was TRYING TO EAT HIS LEG! The said roach had a mouthful of his pajama pants, and seemed to be trying to pull Sirius toward itself.  
  
"Never! You Fell Beast! I will never be fodder for your wicked kind!" Sirius shouted dramatically, and he wrenched himself away from the beast and raced out of the door, shouting as he went.  
  
He raced down dimly lit halls and down the staircases as he came to them. He could hear the monster scurrying after him. Finally he reached a sitting room on the second floor. The roach was almost on top of him now, panicked, he spotted an ornamental sword hanging over the fireplace, and grabbed for it, pulling the four-inch saber down from its resting spot, and he brandished it.  
  
He seemed to come to himself slightly, and a grin spread across his handsome features. A sword. Someone had left a sword. Where he could reach it. He whistled slightly, examining a blade that would have made an amateur swordsman wince at the poor craftsmanship (hey, it is a toy) and began to experimentally swing it.  
  
ZING! SWISH! SWOOSH! The blade cut through the air.  
  
"OUCH!" He cried out, roach forgotten as he dropped the sword, and nursed his sore wrist.  
  
Of course, turning your back to your enemy is always a move made in poor judgment. Unless of course, your enemy is more interested in the crumbs left on the floor then on acting out any vile design upon yourself.  
  
Sirius realized this, but he also realized that he would rather not be unguarded in bed when the roach decided he was hungry again. Sirius did not realize that the roach had decided that the miniature human wasn't good for food after all.  
  
So he brandished his sword again, ("Draw, you vile scallywag. Or I will cut you to ribbons!") and slowly made his way to the fiend.  
  
He swung, and the monster retreated slightly. But it wasn't good enough for Sirius. He swung again. Then he gathered his courage and strength, and dealt a mighty blow to the skeletal back.  
  
Then he was thrown back, mortified, as his blow simply bounced off the creature's armor.  
  
So Sirius made a decision. He took off running as fast as his legs would take him.  
  
Out of the house, down the hall, and into James' room.  
  
Sirius valued his life over his pride, evidently. Half an hour, one irate friend, and a shoe whack later, and Sirius went back to bed.  
  
The next morning dawned bright, and far too early for Sirius' liking. He got up, thought, and then locked the door ('Why didn't I think of that last night', he reflected) and curled back up in bed. Till a knock came at the window.  
  
"Rise and SHINE!!!!" Came James' booming voice. "It's a new DAAYY!"  
  
James was obviously less happy about being woken up to save his best friend's life then Sirius had thought. He pulled the covers back over his head, deciding to ignore it. Till James' face appeared in his window (which was just below eye level on a standing James), a mischievous look spreading across it (his face). James pulled a small tab on the outside of the building, which pulled the outer wall of the room open like a door, and plucked Sirius out of bed.  
  
The rest of the Potters, and those who lived in the house, were already at the breakfast table. Mr. Potter was reading a paper and Lily was glaring at everyone.  
  
James sat down, putting Sirius, who was still in his slightly chewed on pajamas, on top of the table.  
  
Sirius sighed as he caught his own reflection in a spoon. His hair was sticking everywhere and there were dark circles under his eyes. Sirius wanted to go back to bed, and decided to spend the rest of the day doing nothing.  
  
Then she caught sight of him. Marie hadn't forgotten about him being in her dollhouse. Sirius took one look at her face, and started running.  
  
'So much for doing nothing today.' He thought.  
  
Review please!  
  
Eeesh.... I just tried to start The Metamorphosis by Kafka, well; I got through the first chapter. Puts this chapter in a whole new light.  
  
Hobbitinguard: Again, thank you so much. It's so great to get such kind reviews. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. 


	7. Aftermath

Alrighty now. Seventh chapter!  
  
Disclaimer: Always have to start with these things. I own a few things in life. But I don't own the characters or anything in this story that is J.K. Rowling's. Anything else may be mine, influenced by other things of course, or it may not. Oh, again, Review, please, please review. It would mean so much to me if I knew someone was reading it. _______________________________________________________________________  
  
Sirius began to let up running, realizing that no one was following him. In fact, no one had been chasing him to begin with, but when you where small enough to be easily trampled to death with a single footstep of someone normal-sized, you grew cautious.  
  
He had been running for a while, but had only made it down the hall from the breakfast room.  
  
A door shut downstairs, and he heard someone running up the stone steps to his floor. Remus appeared moments later, heading for the breakfast room. He stopped when he saw Sirius, and attempted poorly to mask his laughter before walking over, footsteps seeming heavy to a pint- sized Sirius as he moved across the old wood. He sat down, and Sirius could see the questions beginning to form in his brain.  
  
"Look, I had a rather bad night..."  
  
"I can tell."  
  
"...and I could use a lift back to my room." Sirius finished.  
  
"Do you want to talk about it?" Remus asked, in a concerned manner, ha had never seen Sirius look so out of it before. It was like entering the Twilight Zone.  
  
"Monsters, Remus. There are monsters wandering this house at night. Did you know this?" Sirius looked around, almost as if he was nervous, then looked up at Remus.  
  
Remus looked distant for a moment, then looked away.  
  
"What kind of monsters?" He asked slowly.  
  
"Strange, dark monsters..." He said distantly, then "You don't want to know. Can I have that lift now?" He jumped on Remus' shoe not waiting for a response, and balanced on it like a surfboard as Remus walked resignedly to wherever Sirius directed him to.  
  
Back in his room, Sirius opened the front door to his house and raced up the staircases, eager to get changed before Marie found him here.  
  
Suddenly, he remembered that all of his clothing and belongings were still in James' room, and were all still James' size.  
  
He sighed despondently, and was pulling out the same clothes he had worn yesterday, when he stopped. Directly in front of him were two large paneled doors. Closet doors. There were books provided in this house, even cooking utensils, (though Sirius thought it rather fishy that there was no stove), why shouldn't there be real clothes in a closet? He decided, with little deliberation, that it merited closer inspection.  
  
Standing up, he tried a doorknob. The door opened, revealing its contents.  
  
Clothes covered the shelves*. There were many robes of all different colors. There were suits of armor. There were clothes fit for an admiral hundreds of years ago. There were Victorian suits.  
  
Sirius smiled quietly. There had definitely been some well-dressed dolls in this place. Eagerly, he began pulling things of the closet.  
  
__Over an hour later__  
  
"Now, man, retrieve my scabbard so I may rescue the aggrieved damsel." Sirius was dressed in eighteenth century pants and jacket, with a scarf around the collar.* He was sitting at a desk and was leaning back in the chair, pointing randomly to different objects and speaking to an imaginary butler*. He'd been at it for nearly a half hour, playing different parts depending on what he was wearing. He particularly liked this one.  
  
No one standing outside of the house could be sure what accent Sirius was trying for. Maybe southern, maybe over-British*. It was impossible to tell, anyways. They had all come in the room to be sure that Sirius was all right, if you didn't hear from him in a while, you could safely assume that something was wrong. He had been missing for nearly an hour when James had walked in the room, and he had been too bemused to make his presence known. Within a few minutes almost the entire household was standing in front of the little mansion.  
  
James sighed lightly, after a loud crash that sounded like Sirius had found the sword in the armor's scabbard. He winced as a second crash quickly followed the first, and rapped on the window, deciding that saving the bookshelves was better than having blackmail against Sirius for the rest of his life.  
  
Silence immediately took over the room, and a head was stuck out of the window.  
  
It was unrecognizable, though they all knew it to be their pint-sized friend (or enemy). It seemed Sirius had donned the knight's helmet, whether or not it would require attention to get it off was the pressing thought on Mr. Potter's mind.  
  
"Uhhh...hi..." Sirius said. James slowly shook his head. Sirius had always been rather eccentric, but this was beyond even his usual behavior.  
  
"Hello." James said. Marie glared at him now, she had been all for throwing open the wall and tossing Sirius out of her precious dollhouse.  
  
James shivered. No wonder Sirius had been afraid, he was beginning to think his cousin was capable of great evil at six years old. She glared again. He realized something. Marie wasn't evil alone; she clearly had been taking lessons from Lily. This new revelation made her even more terrifying.  
  
Scary new ideas began to form in his mind...if Lily had formed an alliance with one of his relatives, she would be able to torture him in new and frightening ways. There were some things that he had blackmailed or begged most of his family into keeping their silence about when Lily had moved to Domleo...but he hadn't ever thought of Marie.  
  
His thoughts were suddenly interrupted, as Sirius had formed a slight commotion by falling out of his window. His helmeted head had proved too heavy when he leaned out to see who else was in the room watching him.  
  
Fortunately, Mr. Potter had caught him with still lightning-fast Quidditch reflexes a second before he hit the floor. He sat Sirius right side up on the floor, and the somewhat humiliated teenager began to struggle with the helmet, overcompensating when it came loose and falling to the floor.  
  
James decided to save Sirius from the scheming looks of Marie and Lily, not to mention further embarrassment from everyone else.  
  
"Hey, does anyone want to go down to the lake?" He asked.  
  
There was a general positive agreement from most everyone in the room, and they began filing out.  
  
"Oh, Walter, can you come with me for a minute?" James asked, and then as the ghost glided closer whispered as well as he could into his ear. "Can you keep a watch on Sirius for me, please? Just make sure he doesn't light anything on fire or break his neck on anything."  
  
Sir Swift nodded in agreement, kind eyes sweeping down to the irate youth on the floor. "And perhaps we could arrange for Mr. Black to be dressed in clothes more befitting to this time period?" He asked.  
  
James was nodding and then jumped. "Oh, right, I completely forgot, let me find my dad." he said as he jogged out of the room.  
  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
*Imagine it! Shelves in the closet. Happy thought indeed. : P –anyone here seen Pride and Prejudice?  
  
Again, think Jane Austen.  
  
Okay, the thing about talking to objects and imaginary butlers was sorta from Eddie Murphy on the Haunted Mansion....don't own that either, or Jane Austen's works. Also, I have an accent in mind, I just don't know how to describe it. Any suggestions?  
  
Reviews:  
  
Dark Lady of Slytherin  
  
Review #1: Thank you so much for reviewing. When did I mention Lily & Severus? I'm sorry, but I think you mentioned I did...but I can't remember doing so...I guess I should go back and see. As for me, I do think Severus needs a girl, but I'm still canon and all for Lily and James. But thanks for being my 7th reviewer!  
  
Review #2: I apologize. I put personal thoughts in there because I don't mind them, but it doesn't make for good writing so I will try and stop doing so. I use the inches because I am American, and the Metric system is difficult to grasp having grown up differently...but I'll get my calculator...There are 30.48 centimeters in 12 inches. I don't use British terms because I am unfamiliar with them, if you would like to give me some examples I'd love the help.  
  
Review #3: It was rushed. I am sorry. This is the first time I've written anything for the fun of it, instead of for school, but I'll try to do better.  
  
Review #4: Thank you. I always thought of the Potters as being wealthy, and it was a good backdrop. Have you ever seen The Secret Garden, the recent one? That's kind of the house I think of, that and the Tower of Terror in Florida, don't know why though... An old Scottish or Irish castle, with a fortress in the middle, and the rest built up around that.... that's my mental picture, I guess.  
  
Review #5: I will. Thank you for telling me.  
  
Review #6: 'Cause she doesn't like Sirius. I've got more ideas for this... I meant for the first part of that chapter to be in italics, but I don't think it worked...  
  
Justin Saine  
  
Review #1 Thank you so much! It's suspenseful? I'm honored! Hey, and my real name's not 'From the Silent Planet' either, so that's ok... ;-P  
  
Review #2 Thanks again! I've been trying to come up with more creative disclaimers; I hit a wall on this one. I'll have to find some more poems I like, so I can mutilate them into disclaimers...  
  
If anyone doesn't want a response to their review please say so.  
  
Thank you for sticking with the story. Comments are very appreciated, so feel free to give them. 


	8. DESTROY SIRIUS

Chapter 8! I am actually writing it! Oh yeah! ...Go me... Okay, that's enough of that. I just took the SAT. Very scary if I do say so myself. I think I did all right though.  
  
Disclaimer:~~~~ Three Shouts For The Most Wonderful Reviewers Under The Sun~~~~ Seven Books That Are Rowling's From Her Great Superior Mind~~~~ Nine Long Peals Of Thunder That Are Booming As I Type~~~~ And One Coffee For Me, For It Alone I Own~~~~ In The Lands Of The South, Where The Hillbillies are~~~~ One Coffee To Wake Them All~~~~ One Latte To Fry Their Minds~~~~ One Coffee To Ensnare Them All,~~~~ And In The Fanfiction Bind Them~~~~ In The Land of Hogwarts, Where All Fun Doth Lie.  
  
ookkkaayy.........Here we go.  
  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
James came running back a bit later with Sirius' trunk; Mr. Potter had shrunk it and everything in it to a miniscule size. After James left Sirius changed into shorts and a t-shirt. The Manor never got too hot inside during the summer, but that didn't mean that it was perfectly comfortable to wear a snowsuit in. Besides, Sirius was hoping to escape Walter's watchful eyes and explore some of the house and grounds himself. There were many places that he and James hadn't made it to last time they went exploring; corridors that James hadn't ever even been down.  
  
It was Sirius-heaven.  
  
"And what would young Mr. Black like to do?" Walter asked, smiling softly at the scheming look on Sirius' face.  
  
"Oh, oh...right..." Sirius said distractedly, and suddenly took off walking out of the room. To his annoyance the ghost closely followed him, humming slightly as he floated along. It wasn't that he really minded Walter; it was just that he didn't like the idea of having a babysitter. He turned the next corner, before he heard a high-pitched scream from the hall above.  
  
"Now Marie, dearest, you just can't take Miss Eloise with you swimming, she will be ruined!" Came Mrs. Potter's voice, as she closely followed the small girl who was storming down the stairs. Marie was dragging what a beautiful porcelain doll behind her, whose small painted smile showed blissful unawareness that her fate was being decided.  
  
"Yes I can too! I can if I want to!" Said Marie.  
  
Mrs. Potter looked desperately at Walter, since he was the only person in the house who could claim to have any control over Marie. Well, except for Lily, but she was already at the lake. "Sir Swift." She started sweetly while nodding. "Don't you think that it would be much better if Marie left Eloise here?" She glanced down at the little girl.  
  
"It would probably be much better." Walter said, nodding knowledgeably. "After all, Miss Louise does not care for swimming. I heard her say so from her own lips."  
  
Marie rolled her eyes and looked up, stomping one foot and putting a hand on one small hip. "Oh Walter. Everyone knows that dolls don't talk. I'm not some dumb little girl."  
  
Sirius hid a smirk at this, and then jumped back as she looked at him. Suddenly she shouted. "If Eloise doesn't go, I don't go!" Then she raced back up the stairs, sandals thumping against the wood. Mrs. Potter gave a sigh of relief, smiled at Sirius, thanked Walter and walked gracefully down the stairs.  
  
Walter sighed, knowing he needed to follow Marie; she was too young to be left unsupervised.  
  
"Sirius, I am going to go retrieve Miss Marie, I would appreciate it if you would either go upstairs to your room or stay here till I get back, alright? It is not safe for you to wander the halls." Walter said, hoping against hope that Sirius would see reason.  
  
About five feet* down from where Walter was speaking stood Sirius. He had a vague notion that Walter was still speaking to him, but he had tuned him out since Walter had mentioned that he had to leave. This was his chance. He nodded absently. "Thanks Walter. I'll stay here and wait." * fingers crossed behind his back. * He gave Walter a bright smile, making the wise butler suspicious. Unfortunately it was more important that he make certain Marie was safe, so he glided up the stairs after her.  
  
A slow, evil, true marauder-style smile spread across Sirius' face. He turned the opposite direction of the staircase Walter had just ascended, and took off down the corridor.  
  
~Ten Minutes Later~  
  
"Miss Lily decided to stay with Miss Marie, so I am now free to..." Walter stopped. He was back in the corridor where he had left the young Sirius Black. Except there was now no Sirius Black to be found. He sighed and began gliding down the hallway, searching for his wayward charge. He still couldn't believe how strange the children he ended up watching over were. 'Maybe it's just Potter and Potter-associated children', He thought. He continued looking.  
  
~Elsewhere in the house~  
  
There it was. He stood just outside; he'd been standing there for nearly five minutes.  
  
It was the corridor, the forbidden corridor. He'd never been down this way before. Along this corridor lay the forbidden and unknown rooms of...the girls. Of Lily Evans and Marie Potter. Fear nearly got the better of him, but his true Gryffindor spirit pulled him through. 'Just think, all the mysteries that may be solved from this one act of heroism...to go where no boy has gone before... and lived to tell the tale'. That thought, he continued walking, jumping from shadow to shadow, and sneaking along the right wall. He approached the closed door of an unidentified room that was across the hall from Lily's room.  
  
There was a poster hanging vertically on the door. He moved out of the shadow and stepped back so he could read what it said. 'D.... E...S...T...R...O...Y' he spelled out. 'S....I....R....I...U...S" He finished. 'Hum' he thought. 'D.... wait....' Fear gripped his heart as he realized what the door said.  
  
Abruptly something dashed past him; he turned to identify it. Then he let out a high-pitched scream, one he denied ever having given at a later date. At the time, though, it seemed to him to be the only thing to do.  
  
It was the cat, Ignor. "You, you go away now. Shoo! Bad kitty...No, NO! Ignor you get away from me RIGHT NOW." Sirius kicked out at the cat, which was slowly approaching him. He was just about to take off running when the door in front of him opened. Lily Evan's stepped out, curious to see what all the commotion was. Sirius gave her his most pleading eyes, desperately hoping that she was only evil on the outside and didn't hate him enough to watch him die.  
  
She gave him an annoyed look, but shoved the cat away with her foot. Then she stood facing him.  
  
"What do you think you are doing here?" She asked. She was starting to look angry. "Thought you were going to come see what our rooms looked like, come spy on us?" Sirius looked around. That really wasn't a fair question, after all, how was he supposed to respond to that?  
  
She stood staring at him for a moment, then walked over, picked him up, and marched into the room.  
  
She dropped him inches from the table, letting him fall with a small 'thud'. He sat up rubbing his elbow, and looked around.  
  
He seemed to be in some sort of secret headquarters. There were maps on the wall, and complicated looking documents on the tables. He bit his lip, and looked up at Lily, who was still staring at him.  
  
"Um.... about that sign outside the door..." He started.  
  
"Oh, yes. That's the name of the organization I founded." Lily stated.  
  
Sirius gulped. He'd always suspected that Lily was psycho; he'd just never been able to prove it. He wondered if the aurors would accept the testimony of a twelve-inch tall boy. He wondered if they would arrest a fifteen-year-old girl, even if she was crazy. Then he wondered if they would be able to find his body if Lily killed him, and if that was what she'd brought him in here to do.  
  
"So, what, er.... what exactly does that sign mean?" Sirius asked, trying to figure out a way to get past her and make an escape attempt.  
  
"Oh, well, it's an acronym." Lily said.  
  
"And." Sirius gulped. "What does it stand for?"  
  
She smiled, a very evil looking smile from Sirius' point of view. "It stands for 'Destroying Enemies Sincerely To take Revenge On Young men Such Individuals Resembling Idiots, Usually Sirius'." She leaned back slightly, looking proud of herself.  
  
Sirius looked at her in shock. Lily was one of the best thought-of students in all of Hogwarts; she got good grades on top of a perfect record. Besides that, she had always been known for her defense of those who were weak. Such violence just didn't seem to fit the mental picture of her that Sirius had.  
  
"Um...and how do you do that?" He stammered.  
  
"Oh, you know, we do pranks on them, or, should I say, usually you, in school. Like that one time we dyed all of your clothing orange. Don't you remember?" She asked.  
  
"Well, yeah, I mean...but..." He sputtered. "I blamed that on James and Peter! Why'd you do that?" He asked, but then caught himself. He knew why she had done it. It was because he'd thrown all her books out the window two nights before.  
  
She looked at him as though he were stupider than she thought.  
  
"Oh, yeah, well...who is this 'we' you spoke of?" He asked, suddenly very curious.  
  
She smiled mysteriously. "Just me and some of my friends." She said.  
  
Suddenly Sirius had a brilliant thought. "Wait, now that you've told me, whenever something bad like that happens to me, I'll be able to prove you did it! You're perfect behavior record will be ruined!" He said.  
  
She smiled all the broader. "Oh, but how will you ever be able to prove it?" She said sweetly.  
  
Sirius' heart fell. How would he prove it? She and her minions didn't sign their work they way he and his did, there was no proof!  
  
She seemed to sense the disappointment radiating off of him. Laughing, she suddenly looked up, and smiled delightedly.  
  
"Walter! How good to see you. And would you look and see the stray I found! He seems to have lost his nanny. Do you want him?" Lily laughed at the furious look on Sirius' small face.  
  
Sir Walter Swift stared down at them. He looked as frazzled and furious as either had ever seen him. Sirius gulped again.  
  
"And how, young man, do you think it makes me feel to see you missing from where you had promised you would be?" Walter asked. "And then I see that dreadful cat running around, and I begin to think it must have eaten you. I very nearly rushed downstairs to locate Mr. Potter!"  
  
Sirius looked down at his shoes. Lily smiled evilly. She picked him up and put him on the floor, where he took off walking with Walter following him. Sirius resolved to stay in bed for the rest of the day. It just wasn't safe to be outside of his little room, besides, his head hurt with all he'd found out today.  
  
Reviews:  
  
Justin Saine: Hello again! I know what you mean about too much sugar. She is like Darla! (I love that movie) Except Marie is cuter and sneakier. I wouldn't say the accent was like anyone on helium, much less the President, but the Southern thing is good (I won't take offense at the Southern part, since it's spot-on, despite the fact that's where I'm from ; P). I like to think of him imitating Walter, who has a rather antebellum Louisiana accent for some reason (c. 1850 for those who aren't from the US). The animal part is a good idea; I'll try and figure out how to use it. Thank you so much for reviewing!  
  
Rose-colored Diamonds: Thank you so much! Sirius seems the type to attract trouble, doesn't he?  
  
Review!!! Oh please Review!! Review Please? 


	9. It's dead, James!

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Could it be....an update??? Well, I am kinda getting tired of this, but I'll be happy to keep it if I get reviews, 'cause if it's not liked I'd rather spend time on something else. Disclaimer—I do not own the characters that are J.K. Rowlings in this story. I do like Marie and Walter though, and I think I can claim them. This chapter is just one I wanted to do. Kinda goes off the 'plot' I am planning, but I guess it is kind of important too.....   
Chapter 9 Dragging heavy feet up the stairs, Sirius reflected on the eventfulness of his day. After his captivity with Lily, he had been subjected to one of the longest lectures of his life on responsibility and taking care of himself. Then he'd had to go to dinner, where Walter had continued his lecture, Lily and Marie had gloated, and James had alternated between staring at Lily and snoring. Then Ignor had decided it would be wonderful fun to chase him across the table a few times. When Mr. Potter had refused to put the cat out, Sirius had called him a conspirator to murder. Mr. Potter told him he was a good source of entertainment, and that he needed the excercise. He was ready for bed, needless to say, and he was ready to do some conspiring of his own. Normally he would include James in his plots, but as his former best friend had done nothing to save him from the cat, James would have to be included among 'the enemy.' Somehow in the course of the day his list of enemies had come to include everyone else who lived in the house. Isabella had almost stepped on him, and Mrs. Potter had accidentally spilt her wine on him at the dinner table.   
'They are all enemies. Not a one will escape my wrath.' He thought. 'Now to make my plans.'   
He walked sleepily to his bedroom, deciding that sleep would be the best thing to come up with one of the 'diabolical plans of mayhem' that he was known for around Hogwarts. 'Hogwarts, how I miss thou." He thought. 'With your malcontented ghosts, filthy passage ways, freezing corridors, evil-infested forests.... but at least there are only idiot Slytherins to battle there! Give me Snape over Marie any day....' Tired, he stumbled over to his bed. Kicking off his shoes, he started to climb in, then felt something. His eyes opened with shock as what he saw and felt registered. There was a body in his bed. And from the looks of it, it was dead.   
He stood stock still for a moment, and then screamed.   
James sighed, as he turned away from the bed he'd been about to climb into. Sirius again. 'I wonder if there are any circuses in need of a clown...I wonder how much they'd pay for him...' thought James.  
Coughing quietly, he pushed the door open, then walked over to the little house.   
"Sirius? Are you in there? What's wrong?" asked James, as he pulled open the wall to peer into the dark little room.   
"Body...there's a body...dead...someone's been killed...I bet Lily did it...or her secret agent-clone Marie...it's dead, James..." Sirius whimpered from the far corner of the room, and pointed a shaking finger at his innocent-looking bed.   
James reached over toward it, and pulled down the sheets. Lying on top of the bed was.....a Barbie. A very plastic, harmless, Muggle Ken(male) Barbie. James laughed out loud, then, unable to contain himself, fell over howling.   
"Hey! What are you laughing about? That's sick man! That person is dead! Why aren't you getting Mr. Potter? Sirius was standing with his hands on his hips, looking seriously affronted and disgusted with James's behavior.   
"Si...Si, it's not a body...not a real one...it's a DOLL....." James took one look at the dawning comprehension on Sirius's face and fell back on the floor.   
Sirius waited for James to pick himself back up and tried to ignore the doll. The doll, which was not a body. His cheeks blushed pink at the very thought. But how was he supposed to have known? He voiced similar sentiments to James.   
"Well Si, if the plastic didn't clue you in, the painted-on face should have! I mean, how many people die with big smiles? And anyway," he said, picking up the Ken doll, "this particular one has a pull-cord so it can talk." He pulled it. 'Will you marry me, Barbie?' He pulled it again. 'Let's go camping!'   
Sirius's face got redder and redder. "That's enough already!" He said, stomping away to open his bathroom door. He pulled it open, the cried out as another Barbie, a female one in pink cheerleading clothes, fell out of the room and on top of him.   
"Murder attempt!! Someone is trying to kill me!" He cried, as he struggled to get out from under the doll, while it in turn tried to strangle him with its long hair.   
James picked the doll up, and dropped it on the floor next to the Ken. He was going to have to talk to Marie about picking up after himself. Or else ask Walter to talk to her...yes, that was definitely the safer plan of action.   
"Okay, I am fine now. Please leave." said Sirius, as he sulked over to his bed and sat down.   
"Goodnight Si." said James, shaking his head as his best friend stuck his tongue out moodily. He left, and Sirius curled up in bed, revenge plan already partially formed in his mind. Okay..........if you have any ideas for his revenge, review and tell me! Or review anyway....I don't mind. Please? Please Review.... Hobbitinguard: Thank you very much. I hope I did ok too! I'm glad it made you smile; it is worth writing if it does. Have a good day! Justin Saine: Haha. No puking here, don't worry, I've written some reviews like that myself. Here's the update! Thanks for reviewing. 


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